1、種草不讓人去躺，不如改種仙人掌！

Grass people not to lie, as Gaizhong cactus!

2、其實(shí)大家交白卷都是年級(jí)第一，為什么非要自相殘殺呢。

In fact we are handing the first grade, why kill it.

3、不看你終身遺憾，看你遺憾終身。

Do not look at your lifetime regret, to see you regret for life.

4、我的婚禮上會(huì)有你穿著婚紗走過(guò)紅地毯。

I'll have you walking through the red carpet at my wedding.

5、癢嗎？癢就對(duì)了，傷口在長(zhǎng)肉時(shí)，神經(jīng)末梢也在長(zhǎng)。

Itch? Itch is right, the wound in the long meat, nerve endings are also in the long.

6、你說(shuō)你是我朋友，其實(shí)我知道，動(dòng)物的確是人類的朋友。

You say you are my friend, in fact, I know that animals are human beings.

7、夜無(wú)寐，只想尋歡打炮，人無(wú)蹤，一只野狗干活。

Night without sleep, because people just want to shelling, without a trace, a wild dog.

8、今夜，讓我們用冷戰(zhàn)取暖！

Tonight, let us use the cold war heating!

9、臉紅的時(shí)候最值錢。

Mao's face when the most valuable.

10、人家是全城熱戀我們是全城停電。

People are in love we are the city power outage.

11、人生最大的缺憾就是不能吻自己的臉。

The biggest regret in life is not to kiss your face.

12、真正的裝逼，敢于直面本身沒(méi)有厚度的臉皮。

Real drunby, dare to faceitselfhas no thickness.

13、冬天來(lái)了，我不小心把棉被洗了。

Winter is coming, I do not care to wash the quilt.

14、你出生后是不是被扔上去次，但只被接住次？

You were born after being thrown up, but only to be caught?

15、現(xiàn)在的大學(xué)生太沒(méi)素質(zhì)了！過(guò)來(lái)拷毛片，居然用剪切！

Now the college students are too bad quality! Come copy feather, actually by shear!

16、有錢的時(shí)候噴香水，沒(méi)錢的時(shí)候抹花露水。

When the perfume of money, no money to wipe toilet water.

17、愛(ài)一個(gè)人是什么感覺(jué)？就是說(shuō)了晚安還想說(shuō)晚安。

Love a person is what feeling? That is to say good night and want to say good night.

18、大便的離去，是馬桶的追求，還是的不挽留。

The departure of the stool, is the pursuit of the toilet, or not to retain the buttocks.

19、你不要再減肥了你長(zhǎng)得丑不只是因?yàn)槟闩帧?/p>

You don't want to lose weight you grow ugly not just because you are fat.

20、你說(shuō)要去看左耳，我找遍了整個(gè)醫(yī)院你卻在電影院。

You said you were going to see the left ear, I looked all over the hospital and you were in the cinema.

21、婚姻就像在餐館點(diǎn)菜，一旦菜上來(lái)，是不給退的。

Marriage is like ordering food in a restaurant. Once the food is up, it's not to give back.

22、那個(gè)誰(shuí)，回去撒包尿漱漱口再來(lái)吧！

The guy who, back and piss gargle again!

23、你那些惡作劇我是故意中招的，因?yàn)橄肟匆?jiàn)你的笑顏。

Your practical joke I was deliberately misled, because I want to see your smile.

24、像一條瘋狗，咬過(guò)跪太低頭過(guò)，所以慶幸。

Like a mad dog bite too, kneeling down, so glad.

25、暗戀一個(gè)人太痛苦了，所以我暗戀了好幾個(gè)。

To love a person is too painful, so I have a good love.

26、鴨子本來(lái)不會(huì)飛，但是煮熟了就會(huì)飛了。

The duck would not fly, but it would fly.

27、心臟變成一座荒島，無(wú)人收買，也就不再出售。

The heart becomes a desert island, no one buys, it will not be sold.

28、姐妹們說(shuō)，明兒算命去，算算那些賤人的命。

The sisters said, tomorrow to count the fortune teller, Bitch.

29、遇見(jiàn)了你，我才知道恐龍其實(shí)是可以再次出現(xiàn)的。

I met you, I know that dinosaurs can be in fact once again.

30、只要瘦，什么都百搭，要是胖，什么都白搭。

As long as the thin, what are all-match, if fat, what is of no use.

31、最近豬肉又漲價(jià)了，你這身價(jià)應(yīng)該也漲了。

Recently, pork prices have gone up, you should have gone up.

32、中指是現(xiàn)代社會(huì)不能少的手語(yǔ)之一。

Middle finger is one of the sign language of modern society.

33、姐不是客服人員，你沒(méi)權(quán)要求姐答這答那。

Elder sister is not a customer service staff, you have no right to ask the elder sister answer that.

34、原來(lái)快樂(lè)大本營(yíng)，走了謝娜只剩大本營(yíng)了。

Original happy base camp, leaving only the headquarters of Sheenah.

35、你那么討人喜歡叫我怎么不愛(ài)你。

You are so pleasant that I don't love you.

36、誰(shuí)說(shuō)豆腐拍不死人，下次換凍豆腐試試。

Who said the bean curd beat the dead, the next time to try to change the frozen tofu.

37、我一直在承受這個(gè)年紀(jì)不該有的帥氣和機(jī)智，我好累。

I have been under this age should not have a handsome and witty, I am very tired.

38、每個(gè)成功的男人背后，都會(huì)有一個(gè)吃飽了沒(méi)事做的女人。

Behind every successful man, there is a woman full of nothing to do.

39、不管泥再爛，只要翻到墻上，總能粘出點(diǎn)摸樣。

No matter the mud, as long as the wall, always stick out of the point of touch.

40、我一直沒(méi)有理解傻逼的意思，直到遇見(jiàn)你。

I have not understood the meaning of idiot, until I met you.

41、你說(shuō)吧，你是想死還是不想活了。

You say you want to die or did not want to live.

42、你快回來(lái)，我一人忽悠不來(lái)！

You come back, I'm not a flicker!

43、綁不住我的心就不好說(shuō)我花心！

Can't hold my heart can't say I heart!

44、猛的一看你不怎么樣，仔細(xì)一看還不如猛的一看。

A fierce look at you not how, carefully look not as fierce as a look.

45、一時(shí)興起，拿你的照片做桌面，TMD居然中了電腦病毒。

For a moment, take your photos to do the desktop, TMD actually in the computer virus.

46、就算全世界離開(kāi)你，還有一個(gè)我來(lái)陪。

Even if the whole world to leave you, there is one I come to accompany.

47、上課的時(shí)候不省人事，下課鈴一響精神百倍！

When the class become unconscious, when the bell rang full of energy!

48、姑娘沒(méi)白馬了，去搶頭驢吧。

The girl didn't have a white horse, so she grabbed her head.

49、因?yàn)槟阌须p下巴，所以遇到任何困難都不能低頭。

Because you have a double chin, so you can not bow to any difficulties.

50、別對(duì)我太好，免得我以身相許你又不要。

Don't be too good for me, lest I yishenxiangxu you don't.

51、我沒(méi)有這種天分，包容你也接受她。

I don't have the talent, you can accept her.

52、用洗面奶洗了把臉，發(fā)現(xiàn)自己的象素變高了。

Wash the face with facial cleanser, found that their pixels become higher.

53、總之一句話，要成功先發(fā)瘋，頭腦簡(jiǎn)單向前沖！

In a word, if you want to go crazy, the mind will simply move forward!

54、我把你當(dāng)朋友，你把我當(dāng)傻子，姐也不是好惹的。

I put you as a friend, you put me as a fool, sister is not a good.

55、我堵上所有時(shí)光只愛(ài)你一個(gè)人。

I'm blocking all the time only love you a person.

56、像我這么帥的，一曠課就會(huì)被發(fā)現(xiàn)。

Like me so handsome, a school will be found.

57、我哭著來(lái)到這個(gè)世界上，就打算哭著回去！

I cried and came to this world, is going to cry to go back!

58、所謂放假，家里遭嫌，出門沒(méi)錢，每天特閑。

The so-called holiday, the family was suspected, go out no money, every day special leisure.

59、好久沒(méi)有人把牛皮吹的這么清新脫俗了！

For a long time no one to hide such a fresh wind of the refined!

60、青春就像蒲公英，看似自由，卻身不由己。

Youth is like a dandelion, seemingly free, but involuntarily.

61、少女誠(chéng)可貴，少婦價(jià)更高，若有富婆在，二者皆可拋。

The girl is Pcious, our price is higher, if there is rich in two can throw.

62、全校停水倆天，第二天我發(fā)現(xiàn)班里好多女生我都不認(rèn)識(shí)了。

The water for two days, second days, I found a lot of girls in the class I do not know.

63、誰(shuí)說(shuō)女追男隔層紗��？隔你妹！明明隔了個(gè)大西洋！

Who said the female pursues the man? Your sister! Clearly separated from the Atlantic!

64、我低下了頭，并不是認(rèn)輸，而是我在找錢。

I looked down, and not defeat, but I'm looking for money.

65、佩服從來(lái)不找我聊天的人，我這么好玩竟然都不找我說(shuō)話。

Admire the people who never talk to me, I am so fun to talk to me.

66、?們的故事、始終都是那么?唯美。

Our story is always so beautiful.

67、貨有過(guò)期時(shí)，人有看膩時(shí)，你在爹眼里還能牛逼幾時(shí)。

Goods have expired, people have to look tired, you can force when the father in the eyes of cattle.

68、喜歡的東西好像都難以留住，比如錢。

Like things seem to be difficult to retain, such as money.

69、我悄悄的來(lái)，悄悄的走，揮一揮匕首，不留一個(gè)活口。

I quietly, quietly, waved a dagger, leaving no one alive.

70、考試的時(shí)候，兩邊的同學(xué)都不會(huì)，真讓我左右為難。

When the examination, on both sides of the students are not really let me in a dilemma.

71、世界上的腦殘這么多，可是你卻成了其中的佼佼者。

The world idiotic so much, but you have become one of the best.

72、有奶不一定是娘有錢就一定是爺。

Milk is not necessarily a mother's money must be the lord.

73、犯賤是普遍真理，你我只是其中之一。

Finance is a universal truth, you are my only one.

74、從小到大，唯一不變的就是一顆不想念書(shū)的心。

From small to large, the only constant is a do not miss the heart of the book.

75、常言道，冰凍三尺，非微波爐不能解凍！

As the saying goes, Rome was not built, the microwave oven can be thawed!

76、哥混到現(xiàn)在，能拿得起又放得下的也就只有筷子了。

Brother mixed up to now, can get up and put down the only chopsticks.

77、是老師說(shuō)不能亂扔垃圾，不然俄早把你扔出去了。

The teacher said not to throw rubbish, or I would throw you out.

78、格式化自己，就是為了刪除你！

Format yourself, just to delete you!

79、聽(tīng)到你對(duì)我說(shuō)的話，我就會(huì)得意一整天。

I'll be proud to hear what you said to me.

80、我對(duì)你眨眨眼，你硬說(shuō)那是放電。

I told you that it was you blink, discharge.